What Our Writer-Bodies Know
How I Started to Find My Scattered Pieces
In my favorite community for writers, A Writing Room, we have been provided incredibly helpful and healing workshops with Emily Schreter, Counselor, MSEd, LMHC, LPC, and Writer (The Consultation Room). She has presented two continuing series of workshops: Ask A Therapist, and Writers Wellness, in which she has covered a host of topics specifically geared to the self-care and wellness needs of Writers. I appreciate her wisdom and compassion, skills and experience, and generosity of heart.
In Emily’s newsletter, she announced that she was offering free yoga classes, once per week, through this month, for writers. I signed up right away. I expected a nourishing, rich experience.
My expectations were immediately surpassed. Emily’s yoga classes have helped me in the most unexpected ways.
At times, my mind is so scattered that if I don’t put everything in my calendar, there’s a good chance I won’t show up. The first week of her yoga class, I had diligently put it on my calendar, received notifications, and still did not show up. I could not believe I did that! Talk about embarrassing.
The second week, I was more intentional about preparing for the class the day before, which helped increase the likelihood that I would not blow it again the next day. Thankfully, I arrived at the virtual class at the right time on the right day.
At the end of the first session, in which we did gentle movements - adaptive poses, as needed - she asked us what we noticed about how we felt or what we noticed our thoughts doing, as we were bringing ourselves back to full consciousness from corpse pose.
As I rolled to my side, curled up like a child, and slowly began to sit up, I was stunned with an experience I have never had before. It was as though I was watching myself on a screen, going through the physical motions, as I had this very visceral and vivid sense and view of tiny bits and chunks of me flying back toward me - and gently returning into my body - from every direction.
Visually, it resembled electronic images of bits and bytes, flowing in all directions.
However, these bits and bites, were flying back TO me, to rejoin my body, to literally pull ME back together. To reassemble me.
For a few years now, I have expressed that I feel so scattered, like I am running from one thing to the next thing to the next, with no time or opportunity to slow down, to digest anything that is happening, to finish a thought, an idea, or a piece of writing. I have felt like all of the different needs pulling me apart are external (though I know better) - the needs of other people, the pups, the other activities I try to do, with zero time to truly accomplish what I need, and want, to do. It has been a sensation of constant movement, but never completing anything - just bouncing from one to the next.
It is an exaggerated feeling, I am sure. It feels like anxiety. Breathlessness. It feels like continually rushing, like I have too much to do and no time to do it. It feels like I am letting everyone down - constantly. I recognize that the expectations are self-imposed and that perfectionism’s ugly little head is reared up and attacking.
I often remind myself of the wise and helpful words of Anne Lamott, “Perfectionism is the voice of the Enemy.” That is an absolute truth.
Even though I have been joyfully immersed in my writing life, and I have amazing support from my husband, family and friends - I still have felt pulled to shreds - like I am trotting and stumbling and scrambling from one task, one expectation, one need, one distraction, one email, one more to-do, to the next. And I recognize how damaging that is. I have been searching for answers, for skills, to stop or manage those troubling feelings.
That first yoga session started to pull my pieces back to my body, back to my heart, back to my mind, back to my creativity, where they can be healed…where space can then open up for my life, and for my writing.
When Emily asked if anyone wanted to share anything about the session, or their experience, I had not planned to say anything. But the “reassembling” experience was too important to keep to myself. I care deeply for my fellow writers and friends.
Is this an advertisement for yoga?
No.
It is an invitation to slow down for even a moment, breathe deeply, reconnect your mind and spirit with your body.
It is easy to become disembodied in this day and age when we spend so much time on screens, for work, or for entertainment. Our attention can become disconnected from our bodies, where our thoughts, emotions and memories live.
As you breathe, I hope that all of the parts of you that may feel distracted - feel like you’re just going through the motions, or constantly scrambling to keep up with your calendar and expectations - will return to you.
Your body knows what you need. Take a breath. Listen to your heart. Feel connected to yourself again. Allow your healing to begin.
What helps you to reconnect with your entire self?
Thanks for reading. I’m looking forward to the discussion.
"too much to do and no time to do it"
Boy, do I know that feeling.
#hsp-problems
Lovely piece - Glad I stumbled across it :)